Happy New Year 2010

Happy New Year 2010 to all you guys out there. Hope this year brings you all the luck and fulfills all your wishes. Have a very Happy New Year 2010.

I really dont have any topic to write on in this post apart from conveying my wishes to all you guys out there. Some how these years rolling by is making me feel that I am growing old and still not knowing what I want out of my life does make me feel a bit confused. 10 years ago I was in my Xth std, preparing for my board exams. Now a decade has passed since that. Decade, seems pretty long time. Yeah it is.

Hmmm.. Anyways also wanted to write about this guy. This guy whom I see every single day, while riding to office. He stands in one of the busiest traffic signals and sells or maybe tries to sell hats made of jute. The hats are really stupid in design, no offence but they are, They are like the old hats worn by Gavaskar, the only difference he would wear a white one and this was made of jute, it also had stripes in between which divided the hat in triangles. It could be folded to a single triangle if you fold it on those lines. It needed to be tied around the neck. Everyday I see him wearing one of the hats and having a bunch of them in his hand nicely folded in triangles. I have stood so many days in the signal (en-route to office, mind you) observing him, but i didnt even see a single customer remotely interested in buying those hats, leave alone bargaining or talking to him. But day after day, he is there. He always wears a full sleeve crisply ironed shirt and a formal trousers neatly ironed. Most of the days he wears a brown shoe and he always has this stupid hat on his head. He cuts through the vehicles standing in the signal showing them the hats.

I always wanted to say to him "Come on, that kind of a hat could work in some tourist destination in Goa or something but how could you possibly imagine of selling them in a busy bustling traffic signal when everyone just want to reach to their place of work in a hurry."

I wanted to say this to him, but then, seeing his attire I felt he could maintain it only if he could sell those hats pretty well or if he had some side business. Now selling the hat is out of question cos there are simply no buyers, Come on the hats are simply stupid for anyone to buy. So what kind of business could this road side well dressed hat vendor have ? Hmmm .. I thought and came out with 2 options straight away. He must either be a spy, they call as informer, working for the police and informing them the details of dunno what and about you know who (Not Voldermort, the bad guys). Thats such a cool thing, ain't it? Everyday while i pull my lazy ass out of the bed and go to office to act like working on something. He, in the guise of a hat vendor, doing some hard core on field job for the cops, Man ... aint his job interesting ? Or he could be one of the bad guys, but I still couldnt figure how would he be of help being a bad guy and selling hats in a signal.

Pretty interesting theory, aint it ? Ok Enough of joblessness on the first day of the new year. I will get back to doing nothing and you guys, if any of you stumbled on this and did read till here get back to do something meaningful. Anyways wishing you all guys a wonderful wonderful wonderful new year 2010.

The Innova "Guy"

This incident happened in Bangalore, It happened about 2 years ago and I really felt kind of embarrassed to tell this incident to any of my friends, it was nowhere my fault that the things turned out that way, but still it is one of the embarrassing incidents that occurred to me. Just after the incident, I told this to one of my friends we lovingly call "Humba" meaning the wise guy :P. And hearing him laugh I decided I won’t become the centre of the joke again by narrating to the rest of them. But still continuing with my promise of writing as much nonsense possible in my blog, I am narrating this incident.
Hmmm.. It was around 2 years ago and I had been in a software company for around a year then. I used to travel by bus and I really hated commuting. I used to walk kilometers sometimes because I felt it was better than the buses, there were no much Volvos then and the normal buses moving in our routes were filled till the last footstep of the footboard. The plan would be to get your foot on the footboard and something to hold, In the coming stops as the bus moved you would automatically be pushed in, During this commotion if you lose your cell phone, you shouldn’t complain because if you try to save it you would be out of the bus, I have lost more than a couple of them in a similar manner and I really don’t have any qualms about it, at least I reached home in one piece.
This incident too took place while I was on my daily round of adventure, which others also call as reaching home safely. It was around 8 pm, I had made a detour and had come via jaynagar 4th block to the jaydeva stop (buses are relatively empty if I come in this route). My house is around 5 kms from here and there are lot many buses but usually jam packed at that time during the evening. I just reached the stop and it started to drizzle. It was a light drizzle so no one was running for cover. As I waited for the bus, a thought passed that the bus would be totally packed, it is normal and I didn’t mind, but now maybe packed with drenched people if the rain picks up. When I was lost in my thoughts, a middle aged, smartly dressed person approached me and asked me where is the sundarram shetty crossing there near arekere. It was totally near my house. I knew the place, I gave him the correct directions, It was quite easy, just a straight road and a left turn where the IIMB compound ends that’s as straight forward as possible for any person, but not for him, he looked confused, out of the blue he asked where are you going. I told the same way. He suggested he would give a lift so that he too won’t miss the cross. I thought that was not a bad idea, I assumed he had a bike and nodded in affirmative, but he said he had parked his car a little away, I was about to change my mind, but then, to my bad luck, the rain picked up, thinking of the bus and my cell phone, I couldn't say no. I moved towards his innova, but in my mind, I was thinking whatever is happening is a bit out of the normal. No stranger has been so nice to me for no reason in Bangalore. I would like to believe I started to think like the Robert De Niro's character in Ronin (one of my fav action movies). Look for the exits and plan your exits before entering anything you are not 100% comfortable with. As i neared the car, I memorized the regn no. (I was not sure why that would have been required after I was cut into a 1000 pieces), the window were not tinted, gave me a little more confidence. Once I reached the car, I checked if any more people were in the car, if they were, I had decided, I would just back out. But then there was no one so safe there too. I measured how will I stand in a one on one fight with that guy. It could be an even fight and I didn’t mind that. So I got into the front seat, placed my laptop bag on my lap. I was also mentally prepared that if he deviates from the route or if he stops to pick anyone I would be out of the car in a whiff whether it’s moving or not. I was prepared for anything mentally and was looking forward for the adventure. But what happened next was a complete different story.
I was in the front seat, with the window half down as it was still raining, but ever prepared to jump off the car if he removed a gun, a sword or maybe a chloroform laced kerchief. I was ready for anything. But then we started to talk. He asked what I was into, he was quite surprised on hearing me working and felt like I looked like a college kid to which I thought if I had only lost one more subject in my sixth semester, I may as well would be in college then. But that was not to be, so I was here working in Bangalore. He told he was someone related to modeling industry or the movie business. He said he was going to meet some Zulfi Syed or someone for a party and he was the one who introduced zulfi to the modeling industry, I said good for him and good for you, but I didn’t know who any of them were. Then I had the most uncomfortable conversation I ever had in my life. He asked me who my favorite actor is, never had a stranger asked that question when we were having a small talk. I tried to be graceful as I always was and went on with Amir Khan, Tom Hanks and Sean Connery. He went on to say yeah they are good actors, don’t you like any young actors, he rephrased the question asking which actor's body did I like. I was caught totally off guard, how anybody could reply to this. And as any normal guy, I gave him a weird look asking what kind of a question is this. He understood, He clarified saying since he was in the modeling business the question was that and I shouldn’t get him wrong. I had already got him wrong, but was trying to be civil to a middle aged, half bald, huge paunch guy who was trying to hit on me. Never was I in this kind of a situation but I felt it was quite funny in a weird way. So I went ahead and took the challenge and tried to be as graceful as ever in this horrible situation and come out unscathed of it. I replied, I surely would like female actor's body more than men but maybe akshay Kumar or Matt damon or Brad pitt have the kind of physique which I would like myself to have. To this he replied I looked similar to Matt, I laughed as i knew myself better than that. To this he persisted that he was not joking, I was not sure if I was laughing on this guy or the comment. He said if I was interested in the modeling business, I said no I was happy in my job and thought at least I don’t have to meet people like you in there. I was just looking on the road, seeing how far we were from the destination, we were in the Bilekahalli traffic, our destination was just a kilometer away and I was thankful for that. He had decided he would test me to the limit that day. He asked me if I would join the party they were having. I firmly declined, I didn’t have any interest whatsoever what he and his fellow friends planned to do. He later asked me if I worked out. At that point I wasn’t even replying properly just waiting for my destination. I said no to which he said I surely looked like a person who works out. I had not taken so much crap in a conversation the whole of my life. I didn’t react, then he tried to touch my arms, it seems to feel the muscles, I flinched and gave him a look and if lasers would have been implanted in my eyes, he would have been burnt. I could have punched him if he was not driving, but then I just asked him to stop the car, we had almost reached the destination. I told take the next left and go wherever you want. He tried to explain something that he was in the modeling business and hence it was his area kinds but I was not interested. I just walked on to my home. I was totally angry at that moment, but the next moment felt it was quite funny that this kind of a weird incident happened.
The first thing I did was to call "Humba" to tell what happened and that miserable ass was laughing like that was the best day of his life. At that moment I decided, this incident is not worth narrating. I don’t remember the guys face, but whenever I remember the incident I remember the "Miscousi" guy who meets scotty and friends in the train In the movie "Euro trip". Miscousi Miscousi :).

The "Guay" (Cashew) tree :)

I am starting with better topics now on as promised in my previous post. Better for me is some meaningless, reasonless thing which wont make any sense to the reader. So, in this post I will be writing one such incident which is very close to my heart. I have shared it with many of my friends, and all those heartless terrible people who call themselves my friends have laughed like anything over this little incident. They still make fun of me, not understanding the value of this incident to me :). Ok now, enough of the build up let I narrate the incident to you guys.
It was a few years ago, actually many, but I still remember it as if it was yesterday. It was at the time when I was in my junior college. That was one of the best times with great friends in college and a huge family at home. I was living in my grandmother's house in my native. I was accustomed to the city life till then and would be there in my native only for the summer holidays. I loved this place from my younger days. Summer holidays was when I and my brother had the most fun and it was so because of my native place, my cousins there, my cousins who would arrive for the holidays there, all my relatives, the river, the coconut grove, the mango trees, the cricket matches, the fields and whole days spent in the sun with nothing to care for more than my cousin eating one more mango than myself. It was the most fun place to be in and it still is, though all my cousins have grown up and are busy doing some stupid stuff which they consider to be important. Still when we meet up once in a while there, it is as fun as ever. Yeah so I studied my 2 years of junior college there. Those two years were hell a lot enjoyable because of everything, the college, the people at home, and the events I got to be part with, everything. It will be always fondly remembered by me. But the incident I am going to narrate is not related to any of these things; it’s just an incident which made me feel real special.
Our college is around 6-7 kilometers from our house; we had to walk nearly a kilometer to reach the bus stop and would then board the bus. Our college was a typical junior college as is common in my native, with uniforms and high school like treatment up to some extent. I would take lunch to the college, yeah there weren’t any canteens kind in the college and the lunch from home was much better than any of the hotels nearby. With the lunch, I was given a bottle full of water everyday. I don’t know, I used to eat lunch from the Tiffin, but I never drank the water from the bottle, I would prefer the tap water set up for drinking than the water brought from home, I don’t know why. But the bottle of water remained as is till the end of the day. I remember it was summer season and it would be very hot. Actually it is throughout the year hot in my native except for the rainy days when it pours like anything. If it’s not raining the weather is always hot. When I am returning from the college, after alighting the bus the kilometer of walk would not always be bad, I enjoyed walking the distance. It is a broad mud road with light forest adjacent to the road at one end and on the other end there is a railway track. Mid way to our house on this road there is one cashew tree in the middle of the road. In the forest adjacent to the road this kind of trees are abundant, we can find lot many of such trees, but here in the middle of the road there were shrubs and all, but there was only this one tree present. Each day I would pass by the tree and would notice the mud on the leaves on the lower part of the tree mostly because of some vehicle which would pass on that road once in a while. Most of the times I wouldn’t care for such a thing and those times too I didn’t care. But I would get nice scolding at home for not drinking the water from the bottle. Expecting me to change my ways is a futile effort, but then i didn’t want to get any scolding from home too, so what I used to do is, since i couldn’t water the whole light forest on those hot sunny days, I would empty my water bottle on this dusty tree on those dry afternoons. Those days it used to be very sunny and I used to pour water to it everyday. I felt i was doing something good, though there was another part of me shouting from inside, stop bullshitting yourself you ass you are just emptying a bottle of water to save some scolding at home, maybe that’s what i did. But to think of why did I not just pour out the water anywhere and everywhere but chose the same dusty dry tree to pour the water to day after day. To this another part of my soul would shout, to gloat thinking how good you are. I guess now you understand having these kinds of souls inside me it’s so tough to think of myself as good. They are always out there to show me how mean and meaningless worthless person i am. Anyways I think I am deviating too much from my story. Everyday I would empty my bottle on this tree. So one sunny windless day, i remember I had finished some exam, chemistry maybe, it was sunny and my exam had gone good. I was in a happy mood and as it was an exam day, I hadn’t carried the water bottle. Something unforgettable happened that day as i approached that tree. It was in the afternoon, the sun was shining and there was no wind whatsoever blowing anywhere. As i approached a cashew fruit fell from the tree. It fell right near my feet. Yeah , my initial thoughts were also similar to yours, I thought some squirrel might have been trying to eat it and must have mistakenly dropped it as it was a pretty ripe fruit and the cashew fruit doesn’t fall usually till it over ripens or some squirrel eats it half and drops. I picked the fruit half suspecting it to be eaten by the squirrel. But the fruit was in the perfect shape and also it was the most beautiful cashew fruit I had ever seen. Many of my cousins would climb the tallest cashew tree for this kind of a fruit, but it had fallen right in front of me on a windless squirrel less sunny day. You guys may call it a coincidence, but I consider this as a showing of love by the tree towards me, I really do, to this day I believe that tree fell in love with me and hence it bore a fruit specially for me and after it ripened it dropped it for me on a windless squirrel less sunny day right in front of my feet. That made my day, actually it made more than my day, but the sad part is I don’t like cashew fruits; nevertheless I was, am and will always be overwhelmed by the gesture of that tree. On reaching home I gave the fruit to one of my cousins who too were really amazed by the beauty of the fruit. He must have really liked the fruit. I took the cashew nut to the stove and we roasted it and ate it. This incident made me feel, irrespective of what my inner soul contradicts, that I have done one good thing in my life and one living creature unrelated to me did love me so much to do something so so so special to me. I really loved this incident.
Phew, long story, aint it? After I narrated this story to my friends the first reaction was, I was expecting something sentimental, touching, applause, but no, it was a friend saying man if a branch would have fallen instead of the fruit, we would not have to sit through this whole thing. Can you believe it?

A bit sad, actually a lot :)

Hmmm... I am depressed; yeah you don’t have to worry that I would write some self pity crap here, cos I won’t. So the last fortnight was quite eventful. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way." I love this quote of Dickens, he might have used it to describe a more appropriate times. but right now I too can use it to say the current state of my mind, you can argue saying what the hell why am I belittling Dickens, but again this blog belongs to ME and I can do whatever I want to. Yeah, the fortnight had the best moments experienced in my lifetime, it also included the saddest moments I have lived through in my life. But to think of it the sadness was miniscule compared to the happiness those best moments gave. Anyways, I like to be depressed these days, I don’t know why there is some kind of sweetness in all this sadness, I cant explain you what it is, but it surely does have some, and this is the reason I came to know why some people like to be eternally depressed. I know I am talking crap, I know, I am not feeling any good, I am really hating this. I promise I will write better topics now on. But I really loved whatever happened, I never felt this kind of happiness and sadness ever. Anyways I have made a resolution, from now on I would surely write nonsense, meaningless, reasonless things. I am going a bit insane now. So I won’t type anymore tonight. This is it.

I wonder (only sometimes)

In life, I wonder, I wonder who is a winner and who is a loser... if something like that exists. Is someone who is at the heights of what they are doing the winners and the one who is good at nothing the loser? Or is success and failure measured on the amount of money and fame a person earns, or the respect he gets cos of it or is it based on the amount of people who love him. What makes a human life better than another? How can anyone say or judge one person is better than the other? What would it be based on? I really get confused when these kinds of questions are asked. What are we striving for? Or what should I strive for? Sometimes, I think these questions are unanswerable, unanswerable because, when we don even know the meaning or reason of life, how can we come to know the best way to live it? Are we striving for happiness? Is that the goal ? Or are we a bunch of total meaningless creatures on this corner of the universe that can be washed away anytime just made to think and feel as something important. Are we just like the rocks all around us with just a little more power to make us more and more confused? Is this so called intellect and reasoning just a farce to make us think, make us go round and round just to make us feel we are reaching somewhere but eventually it just makes us rotate insanely and leaves us back at the begining with no answers. We are in such a situation that each and everyone have a definition of life and the reason to live it, but none of them can prove that their reasoning is the right one. It is all based on either assumption, or cos it’s written in some books, or cos our elders were always following it. To come to think of it, we have been put in such a beautiful loop. We have been given a reasoning power, but also with that we have been given a strong set of intuitions or instincts which would try to believe what it wants to. So we assume something’s and then we give some facts on those assumptions and try to establish them as the truth. Every 100 years someone comes along and says the base assumption is wrong so the truth which has been told should be re-written. Initially a group of people would resist, then some would want to kill him for even proposing the same and then gradually we accept and we understand his reasoning power was superior to others cos based on the available facts he had the potential to think so much far ahead. But still, there always are some assumptions somewhere to get the results as we want (this point I started believing since I read about how the light propagates in high school, I am not brainy enough to comment on the theory, but felt we made too many assumptions in there). We were taught "Man is an rational being". But to think of it we are only rational in fraction amounts, else we love to live by how our elder’s leaders tell or the holy book says. If we were truly rational there would be lot less pain around in the world. I think we are a hugely instinctive, emotional people ruined by what we are programmed to do by the holy books, the pandits, the mullahs rather than being rational practical beings. Also I feel how much ever I wonder answering my initial questions in the post satisfactorily is near to impossible, but I still hope, I would find the answers someday ....

Adieu

Yesterday was my last day in the old company. The past few weeks were really good. I had made a lot many friends in the company. This was the time they bonded as real good friends. I really will have lot of fond memories of the team, their love. Also there were many close to the heart encounters which might be a bit inappropriate to share in this public forum, but which will be cherished forever. Nevertheless the week was one of the most eventful one of my life. Thanks for everything. And I am not sure to whom am I thanking :). I think this will be the only post which will make a little sense in this blog.

Confused

hey... am back again. So in the middle of the night, felt like jus typing out a few words, have an interview tomorrow. Dunno how it will go, hope i do well. Really hope so, cos i have made up my mind to leave the current job. This situation is making me think, yeah yet again, this situation and a blog i just read is making me think if we should hold on to what we have and always try for better? Is it a rule or am I scared of the unknowns? Is it always necessary to think about the future and build stairs on which we constantly are climbing? I am too confused right now to put my thoughts into words right now. But my question would be, What are we all running towards ? Should i just stop running and take a moment to think ? Its quite scary thinking of running all your life around just to survive ? Isnt there more to life ? Or am I in the wrong direction ? Anyway wish me luck for my interview, Hope i do well.

Make way for the gyaani

The things you own end up owning you. Just heard this quote somewhere and it like bought me nearer to my quest of dunno what. So this sentence deduces to this: a man is free when he owns nothing he cares much about or when he has nothing to lose, else he would really care when he loses something or he would crib a lot on the loss of the pettiest comfort. So does this say beggars would be one of the most free people on the face of earth ? probably not. The most free people are, who are not owned by things that they have or those who dont care of losing them, who dont crib over losing their comfort or something, who understand they are just living out an illusion and what they lose or are cribbing over were never theirs and were just given to them as a game. So we should understand there is no happily ever after anywhere until you understand that you cant be happy by getting what you want, but you can bring amount of sanity in your life by caring the least of what comes into and goes out of your life. So the gyaan here would be live out of the life you have now, in the present, than caring bout the future or cribbing bout the past.

Lazy Weekend

So, After thoughts of starting a blog from so many years, Here i am starting one. Writing about nothing. Anyways been in my room the whole of the day, this saturday. Didn't feel like going anywhere. So watched a couple of movies, comedy movies, just to lighten up my mood but to no avail, not that the movies were bad, they were pretty decent , but dunno why my mood is still as crappy as it was yesterday evening. Anyways one of the movie was Monty Python's The meaning of life, It made me think. yeah think on those lines why are men obsessed in knowing the meaning of life and defining their philosophies how life should be lead and a bread should be earned. The last sentence might not have made any sense i just though that lead and bread rhymed so used in a single line.. pretty cool huh? So anyways i was talking about leading life. How bullshitty theory is it when an egoistic erratic person or a group of egoistic erratic people try and say their philosophy of leading life is cool or the best. Anyways it was quite a fun movie, a bit lame and boring in the middle but still enjoyable on the whole. So what else .... mmmmm .. What else can i think of ? Yeah .. Nope thats pointless ... wait .. mmmm ... Yeah the songs of Dev D are cool... hearing to them right now .. Doesnt make any sense but they are cool ... Also another thought . wow loads of thoughts rolling in my head .. i too could try and become a philosopher if these thoughts come on a regular basis ... shhhh shoootttt forgot it .. shittt .. nopes its coming back ... yeah the internet is such a big garbage dump to think of it .. I can publish this junk and in my mind could think someone out there would be reading this and smiling that his life is so much better than mine . Wow net is quite a powerful invention. These many thoughts are enough for a first blog i guess. Should leave some thoughts for future too if i ever write again ...